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Jeannine |
E. coli O157:H7
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I SURRENDER
I surrender to
the Turmoil and Anguish
the Ceaseless Chatter turning Circles in my head
I surrender to
the Unexpected, Long and Brutal Fall
the Physical Pain calls my Name as I Stagger, Struggling to Stand
in this Moment, I concentrate on my Breathlessness
as I was left Gasping for Sweet Air
I surrender to
The Iron suit, the Red cape, the painted Mask
For my tears can no longer be stifled, as I destroy the Costume of Bravery
The Wounds that somehow remain Open from yesterday's Past
I surrender to
The Frustration that Burns and Blinds my Sight
the Darkness whereupon my Eyes had once reflected Light
in this Moment I realize because I Stand too closely
I cannot See
I surrender to
The Fear that Follows my every Move
The Expectation that Looms high, too High, above my Head
the Approval which Lies just out of Reach's Way
I surrender to
Plans set by some sort of Fancy Imagination
as Mirages they appear only to Crumble
as I draw Closer
I surrender to
the Invisible yet Crushing Force on my shoulders
I bid Fare-well to the Weightlessness my Feet once Felt, like Walking on Air
And I make Space for the Fatigue that has made a permanent Home within my Body and my Blood
I surrender to
The aching Longing for that which I do Not have
to the medals, the trophies, the certificates, articles, diplomas - Illusions
of what I have done
Fotos of "the way I used to be"
I surrender to
The Mind-Altering Poison of my Senses and my Emotions
The Luster of Gold, the Smell of Wine, the Taste of Honey, the Shape of the pill
Do they offer Salvation?
I surrender to
Ambiguity - Giving it Power is Fruitless
Impatience - My longest Marathon yet
this Race having no Winner
I surrender to
the Crowds of People
Chaotically attempting to Pull me "Their Way"
Creating lines of Judgement
and Silently Destroying the very Unity of which I Seek
I surrender to
Confusion, Blame, Jealousy, the Hurt, the Search
I DO NOT surrender
through Weakness nor Giving up
I need no Weapon, I need no Book
I do not need to take Action
the Fear Finally Fades
I surrender through GRACE
Grace found in the One and Only True God
the Omnipresent Divinity
in All that my eyes can See
as well as what they Cannot
I Align mySelf with the Golden Thread who connects us All
having No Beginning and No End
I am part of this
it is Now I begin to Live
to Just Be
I surrender gaining Freedom
With Patience, Peace, and Purity
the Truest Expression of God's Love
in Utmost Bliss
God Eternally Lives within Me and I within Him
